


blind dating

by Liu



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, M/M, also a part of this fic is email conversations, insensitive approach to blindness, or more like obliviousness to blindness because Tony, seriously, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3771793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liu/pseuds/Liu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Old fill for a challenge: "Pepper hires Matt Murdock for legal advice. Tony doesn't know anything about the guy... including that he's blind."</p>
            </blockquote>





	blind dating

**Author's Note:**

> I know they're a bit ooc. I know this is just mindless crack. But I kinda like some parts so here you go, I guess.

Tony always had trouble reading people. Machines – those were easy. There were circuits and wires and screws and if you did everything right, shit tended to turn out well.

People… well, people were complicated. The only person Tony could read well enough to actually have a working kind-of-a-relationship with was Pepper, and Tony had a suspicion that it was only because Pepper went out of her way to show her thoughts and feelings explicitly.

For example, when the clicking of her heels on the marble corridor leading to Tony’s office turned into a thunderstorm, Tony was pretty sure he was fucked.

He couldn’t really remember anything he’d screwed up lately – well, not more than usual, and the things he _did_ vaguely recall were already far, far in the past (meaning they were about a week old and thus unimportant enough for Tony to delete them from his brain).

“Hello, Pepper,” he called out cheerfully the moment she stepped into his office. She scowled at him, and Tony even dutifully slipped his feet from his desk to the floor like a respectable CEO should.

Not that he cared about being respectable. But he did care about appeasing Pepper enough to not have to suffer through another lecture. He didn’t quite remember the last one, but it had been a LONG one.

“I found you a new consultant,” she grumbled unceremoniously, which suggested that the task had not been easy. Tony couldn’t see why – he paid well, and his company was successful enough to be a dream-job for most people. There really should be lawyers queuing to fill the position of that prude from the last time.

“Good,” he grinned, still hoping to get on Pepper’s good side with a bit of boyish charm. “Care to tell me why’re you announcing it in a tone that suggests I have a terminal disease? I don’t have a terminal disease, do I,” he scowled – he didn’t much care about medical check-ups, Pepper just pushed him to give her a blood sample from time to time (and on one traumatic occasion, a urine sample) and carried it off who knew where. Pepper could be cloning him in some lab in Europe for all Tony knew – then again, she probably wouldn’t want to deal with more than one Stark in her lifetime, so Tony was safe.

“Stop trying to be cute, Tony,” she huffed. Tony sighed, then amped up the ‘boyish-charm-smile’.

“So what’s the problem? Is she old? Ugly?”

“No.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Aside from the disturbing fact that your sole demand for an employee who will deal with your legal mess is _looks_ -“ she started with a huff, but Tony interrupted with a wave of his hand:

“I know you’ll hire someone capable, you always hire capable people, that’s why I like you, you can look at CVs and sort through all that shit-“

“If by ‘shit’ you mean a person’s actual qualification-“

“-and I’m the one who’s left with the ugly bores in the end,” he rolled his eyes. Pepper’s mouth twisted to the side, and Tony spent about two seconds deciding if it was amusement or disagreement.

“Tony,” she started again after a pause, and Tony would bet she’d been counting to ten. Possibly even to twenty. “Tony. No. You’re going to treat this one like you’re a real professional, alright? None of your usual crap, or I swear to God I’m getting out of here and flying out to Kenya to take care of homeless children as a volunteer.”

“You’re not, you can’t yell at orphaned kids the way you yell at me, and you definitely can’t wear Louboutins in Kenya.”

“…true. However, Hammer has repeatedly shown interest in me as an asset to his company-“

“The slimy bastard has shown interest in you as an asset to his bed as well, and if I remember correctly, you spilled your martini all over him. Impressive, by the way, you defied the laws of physics there, he was soaking from that tiny glass-“

“Tony.”

They looked at each other in silence for a few moments, and Tony could imagine all the threats that she hadn’t voiced but could very well put into practice with her knowledge of his weaknesses. Tony frowned. He hated being blackmailed… but no one could do it the way Pepper did. And he never cared about any of the others who’ve tried that the way he cared about Pepper.

“Alright, I’ll behave,” he rolled his eyes (thinking ‘yeah, as if’) and reached out for the file she was holding. “So what’s her name?”

“Matthew Murdock,” she smirked and stalked off, the file still in her hands, leaving a gaping Tony behind her.

“Well played, Potts,” he huffed as he put his feet up on his desk again, a smirk playing on his lips by the time he pulled up the unfinished blueprints of his newest creation on screen.

So Pepper thought it would be safe to hire a guy instead of a woman, huh… well, Miss Potts would be surprised. No one threatened Tony Stark and got away with it for long, after all.

………………….

In all honesty, Tony could’ve pulled Murdock’s whole life into his PDA in a matter of seconds, but a) if Pepper didn’t give him that file, she wanted Tony to meet the guy unprepared, and there had to be a reason – Tony could give her the small victory; and b) he lost himself in the schematics of that new reactor and then he lost himself in that new bottle of brandy, and then there was already the time to meet his newest ‘asset’.

When he got to the restaurant, he searched the open garden for someone bald, sweaty and generally repulsive (because let’s face it, that and big-breasted, vastly useless law students was Tony’s general image of law practicioners). What he got instead, recognized only by a stack of files on Stark Industries, was… well. Not what Tony expected.

“Mr. Murdock?” he grinned brightly – the man stood up and offered him a hand with a scowl visible even over the rim of his sunglasses.

“You’re late, Mr. Stark. If that happens again, I’m leaving.”

Tony shook his hand (too solid and big for a lawyer, the guy could do some fighting instead, Tony would bet he’d be a spectacle with those shoulders, heck, Tony didn’t have any issues with his height but this guy was kinda… huge) and sat down with a smirk, a new plan hatching in his head. So Pepper wanted to throw a male lawyer at Tony so that he couldn’t have fun on his meetings… and he would show her that she failed and then she could send another kid consultant with long legs and low neckline Tony’s way.

“You should be happy you’re getting paid for this nice view,” Tony shrugged, gesturing to the railing: the restaurant overlooked a small park, the sky was clear, the grass bright green – Tony wasn’t a huge nature lover, but even he could appreciate the image.

Murdock snorted, apparently not impressed. His eyebrows did an impressive twitch over the rim of those dark glasses, and Tony wondered what his eyes looked like. He was also sure this was intimidation tactics at its worst, not letting Tony see his eyes to unnerve him. He refused to feel even a tiny bit unnerved – and he hated that to achieve this, he’d unconsciously crossed his arms over his chest.

He uncrossed them again and leaned back in his chair, making sure his body language was open and confident.

“My time is valuable, Mr. Stark, and I don’t enjoy wasting it.”

“Oh come on,” Tony rolled his eyes, and waved his hand towards the trees again: “Just look at it. Isn’t it pretty? I mean, as pretty as trees get. And grass. And sky. The sky’s pretty clear today, isn’t it? It’s really just gas and some tricks of light, but it can be considered pretty. By people. In general.”

Alright, he was fucking horrible at weather talk. Murdock seemed to think the same, because he just snorted again.

“Mr. Stark, I’m not here to talk about weather. If you’re lonely, I’m sure there are some websites or clubs dealing with your issues, but I’m here only to discuss work with you. Namely, the lawsuit against you by one Justin Hammer-“

Tony groaned:

“What the fuck… just tell him to piss off and stop pretending he ever came up with something useful, I should be the one suing him, all his projects are my scrapped shit, it doesn’t even work, not my fault he blew himself up.”

“If he’d blown himself up, this would be immensely easier to deal with. As it is…”

Tony tuned out after that – he didn’t pay lawyers to LISTEN to them, he paid them to sort out the shit other people wanted to drag him to court for. They were paid to know what to do, they were _his_ consultants, not vice versa, so fuck listening to this crap.

Instead, Tony’s evil little mind started to work on a different plan… how to drag Murdock to bed. Possibly just to a date. Pepper would go ballistic… and maybe she’d stop trying to make Tony not sleep with his lawyers.

……………………………

Pepper kept giving him speculative looks for days after that, so Tony figured she’d expected him to rant about Murdock one way or another. He kept silent and smiling, and counted it as a victory when Pepper kept a poker-face on. In any case, he walked to the next meeting with Murdock in a good mood, and with half a plan already hatched.

Murdock wasn’t there.

Tony waited two minutes (during which he nearly thumped a hole through the floor with his foot – he was NOT used to waiting). Then, he checked his watch. He’d been just twenty-four minutes late, that was practically four hours too early in Stark terms, dammit… Tony scowled and dialed Pepper.

“He’s not here,” Tony grunted. He could swear he heard Pepper smirk into the phone.

“How late were you?”

“I wasn’t!”

“Tony.”

“…not even half an hour.”

“Oh.”

“What?!”

“You must like him, then.”

He hung up on her and mourned the era of beautiful big phone lines which he could slam down hard.

…………………………….

“I’m glad you could make it this time, Mr. Stark.”

Tony sat down with a quiet grumble, staring at the same damn trees. They didn’t look nearly as nice as they had the first time.

“I missed a meeting with Japanese investors for you, so this better be worth it, Murdock.”

“According to my sources-“

“You mean Pepper.”

“-your meeting with Watanabe Inc. was scheduled for ten in the morning.”

“So?”

“It’s two in the afternoon.”

“Yeah, and I’m here on time, so what’s your proposal on that situation with Hammer?” Tony huffed, and Murdock pushed a file towards him:

“I suggest you pay the-“

“No. No no no no no,” Tony leaned over the table, staring at Murdock – he couldn’t believe he just heard the word ‘pay’ from the guy. “Listen to me, Murdock, there are rules to how Stark Industries handles things. A guy blows himself up in my lab? We pay. No, wait, scratch that, we pay if he’s actually useful, if he’s an idiot and the blowing-up is his fault, we make him thankful we’re not suing _him_ for damages. Someone sues for intellectual property – we kick their asses. _Hammer_ sues for intellectual property – we kick his ass and laugh in his face, possibly discredit his work of the past few years. Got it?”

“Mr. Stark. The evidence-“

“-is fucking fabricated, I was doing clean energy when Hammer still used steam engines or something, those blueprints are mine, and Hammer hasn’t even got them working properly, shows how much he knows, the stupid fucker,” Tony growled, throwing back the whiskey he’d ordered, quietly contemplating the best way to kill Justin Hammer so it would be both painful and shameful.

Murdock was silent for some time, staring at Tony through his damned glasses, and Tony really, really wanted to wait him out, but waiting was never his strong suit, so it took him all of sixty seconds to snap:

“What?!”

“Are you telling me the truth, Mr. Stark?”

Tony’s glass clinked against the table’s surface as he set it down, frowning.

“No, I’m lying, I absolutely need to steal shit from Hammer – Jesus Christ, when the day comes I need Hammer’s intel, I’ll sell my company and shoot myself in the head, for fuck’s sake,” he snorted.

“Mr. Stark. If I am to represent you in court, I need you to cooperate. And I need to know everything.”

Tony guessed that meant his sarcasm had not been fully appreciated. He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face.

“Yes, I’m telling you the truth. I designed that. There was some event, Hammer was there, I got shit-faced and couldn’t listen to his stupid boasting about some shit that would never work. I might’ve drawn his design on a napkin and then thrown in his face about fifteen reasons _why_ his shit wasn’t gonna work, and then he said I couldn’t do any better. And then, two days later, I sobered up and DID better. I didn’t use his designs – but his shit never worked, so he altered it according to what I said that night, and now he claims it’s always been his. And Pepper said I can’t say that in court, bad publicity and shit,” he smirked wryly.

To his surprise, Murdock didn’t start moralizing about how Tony should maybe consider not drinking himself stupid in public events – Tony was glad. He’d heard that one from Pepper so many times he couldn’t count it on his hands even when he was so drunk he saw all his fingers twice.

“Alright,” he said instead, packed up his papers and left Tony staring after him (and his ass, he had a nice ass even in those badly-tailored pants). So maybe getting Murdock to bed wouldn’t be such a hardship after all.

………………………………

Tony couldn’t believe how wrong he was.

He tried. He actually tried – after long years of not having to do much to get people to sleep with him, Murdock’s response was like a bucket of cold water straight to the face.

Of course, at first, Tony’s approach was rather traditional. He usually kept himself in a good shape, at least physically, or, better said, outwardly. He hit the gym regularly, and okay, maybe he wasn’t the tallest guy out there, but he was filled out in all the right places, perfectly groomed in a carefully rugged way, and his clothes cost a lot, but looked absolutely worth every cent. So maybe he took an extra effort to look nice when he went for meetings with Murdock – if Pepper noticed it, and she must have, with her keen eye for every possible stain or crease on Tony’s shirts, she never mentioned anything.

But Tony _knew_ he looked damn great in that particular shirt – and Murdock didn’t even spare him as much as a glance.

“Hey,” Tony said, on a third meeting when he was dressed up in clothes so tight he would usually only wear them for clubbing, practically hearing the creaks in his seams when he put his elbows on the table and the movement tightened his biceps – and Murdock didn’t so much as look at him twice. “So I was thinking – you’re cooped up with this shitty case, and we’re gonna win anyway. Have you ever seen the city from above?”

“I can’t say I have, Mr. Stark. Would you mind focusing on the case?”

“I have a private jet. I could show you the skyline, it’s nice when the sun’s setting down. I’ll call my people to set it up.”

“I think I’ll pass. What is this about the bluepri-“

“You don’t want to go see the city in my jet?”

“No.”

“What about a helicopter?”

“No. Can we-“

“A hot-air balloon, then? I don’t have that one, but I can arrange it, no problem-“

“Mr. Stark. Can you focus, or should I go?”

“I’m focusing. I’m focusing on showing you the sights of the city. And yes, you should go with me.”

Something ticked in Murdock’s jaw and he collected the papers swiftly, standing up and walking out of the garden.

“It doesn’t have to be _this_ city, what about Paris? People like seeing the Eiffel monstrosity!” Tony called after him, but there was no response, except a disgruntled stare from a pair of French tourists nearby.

…………………………………………………….

“So I get you don’t much like Paris. It’s okay, I don’t like it either.”

“Mr. Stark. We’re talking about Mr. Hammer and his plans. Could you please focus on this?”

“Not until you tell me what city you’d like to see.”

“One where your attention span is longer than fifteen seconds. Now, Hammer claims-“

“What about Rome? Rome’s not as annoying as Paris. Italians are nicer, too. And the whole Roman slash Renaissance thing is kinda easier on the eyes than all the artificial French romance.”

“Mr. Stark. If you keep this up, I’m going to get up and leave, and you can represent yourself. We both know that will end in tears.”

“Yeah, Hammer’s.”

“Miss Potts said she will make _you_ cry if you don’t cooperate as best you can.”

“She knows me, _this_ is the best I can do. So. Rome? Tomorrow? … wait, wait, don’t- for fuck's sake, Murdock, alright, I’m shutting up about Rome.”

“Very well. So. Hammer claims that you have-“

“Have you ever seen Prague?”

“Goodbye, Mr. Stark.”

“What? Wait, dammit-… fuck.”

………………………………………………

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: Stop it

Mr. Stark,

I would appreciate it if you stopped flooding my office with your junk. Immediately.

Yours sincerely

Murdock

……………………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: Re: Stop it

I’m appalled, it’s not junk, those photographs are all art pieces, I don’t get art, but come on, they’re good. And you can see all these nice cities on those pictures, and if you see one you like, you can see it for real, just tell me the word and I’ll take you.

xoxoxo

Tony

……………………………………..

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: Re: Re: Stop it

Mr. Stark,

stop it.

Also, are you fifteen?!

Murdock

………………………………………..

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Stop it

So you don’t like the photos

………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Stop it

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

…………………………..

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: To an ex-employer

Mr. Stark,

 

no. 

 

Murdock

………………………………….

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: Are you serious

Stark,

what makes you think that I would like a painting more?! Or five?!

I will sue you for harassment, and you will not be able to wipe THAT off the table.

Murdock

………………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: Re: Are you serious

They’re all classics, I thought you were the classics guy, alright, my mistake, jesus, you can’t sue me, you’re my lawyer for fuck’s sake

…………………………..

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: Re: Re: Are you serious

Stark,

I’m not your lawyer anymore, I sent you my notice. You can bother someone else now.

Sincerely,

Murdock

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: HAHA nope

I didn’t find it. My paper shredder is vicious, it might’ve stolen it. You might need to deliver it in person. And I only have time at eight in the evening tomorrow. Incidentally there’s fireworks over the park. Wanna come watch them with me?

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: come on

Don’t be a sourpuss, Murdock, come on.

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: seriously

Answer your phone dammit

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: sports, then?

Alright so I gather fireworks aren’t your thing either. What about football? Basketball? Baseball? Hockey? You wanna see a match, just tell me, I can get us tickets.

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: no one dislikes movies

Seriously I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like movies.

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: TALK TO ME MURDOCK THE LAWSUIT IS A WEEK OLD LOL XOXOXO

(This message is empty.)

Attachment: youshoultotalygoout4dinnerwithmeeeeee.jpg (2.1MB)

Attachment: nosrslzmurdock.jpeg (1.7MB)

Attachment: lookatwhatchamissin.jpeg (2.4MB)

……………………………..

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

Stark,

just letting you know those pictures were seen and confiscated by my partner at work. I let him. Don’t be surprised to see your more-than-half-naked self in the media tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Murdock

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: ha

Wouldn’t be the first time. Fuck that. At least you’re talking to me now.

……………………………..

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

Stark,

I’m not talking to you. You’re a cynical asshole and you absolutely deserve to lose a few million dollars and a bit of your enormous ego to Hammer.

Sincerely,

Murdock

………………………

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: whos an asshole now

you said you believd me about the blueprints so fuck you if u dont i dont care im gonna win thishit oon m y own so yeah u can keep teh [aintings you couald;ve just said ylure not interested in a date I dint even wanna date you at 1st just wanted to piss pep of and then you were kinda nice so I weanted to be nice to you and shw u smthin nice an just maybe hav e a ncie sex w/you and stuff and now youre asshole so i dontwann to date you anymore no srsly come back to work an date me xoxoxo lol pwppwr cant win you offer still stands

…………………………….

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: For the last time

Stark,

I suppose you wrote that drunk, due to your atrocious spelling and an unclear train of thoughts. My computer couldn’t read half of your message, to be honest, but I’ll respond to what I understood from that mess.

First off, you wanted a date?! Excuse me if I didn’t quite get it from your ironical sight-related remarks and offers.

Second, no ‘nice sex’ is happening anytime soon. Most likely not ever.

Third, I don’t work for you anymore, stop harassing me. I mean it.

Sincerely,

Murdock

……………………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: yeah sorry

There was more in that bottle than I thought. In the third one, probably.

Why would I be ironic, though? What does it even mean, ironic sight-related shit?

Also why is your computer reading you messages, do you have a virtual intelligence in your computer? I can design you a better VI. My VI’s name’s Jarvis, he’s cool, you want one? I can get you one.

My shredder’s still viciously attacking your notices, sorry. And a virus destroyed the electronic one.

………………………

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

Stark,

I swear to God, if you somehow mess with my computer and add an annoying VI to it, I will kill you. Harassing one blind guy seriously can’t be this much fun to you.

Murdock

……………………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: what

Which blind guy am I harassing wtf

………………………

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

 

ME.

 

……………………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: NO SHIT

YOURE BLIND?!

………………………

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

Stark,

are you kidding me?! Didn’t the dark glasses tip you off?! And the Braille in my papers?!

Murdock

……………………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: yeah sorry

Now I get how my offers of sightseeing might have been seen as offensive.

Taken as offensive. Shit. Yeah.

And I thought you were hungover. I wear sunglasses a lot. When I’m hungover. And it was kinda sunny outside, too. So, there.

I didn’t want to be a jerk. Come back to work. Won’t send you any more pictures, I swear.

………………………

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

No pictures of European cities, or of you in your naked glory?

……………………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: lol

Though I can let you touch-see (or whatever you call it) the latter. Might be easier than touching the whole Forum Romanum, too.

………………………

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

Stark,

I meant it about that lawsuit for harassment. Let’s just get Hammer out of the way, shall we. Only two days to go until the trial.

Meet you at the usual spot tomorrow, 3PM, sharp. If you’re late, I’m leaving.

……………………………….

To: Matthew Murdock  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: aw

I knew you couldn’t resist my charms. I’m buying you coffee tomorrow. Unless blind guys don’t drink coffee. And I’ve seen you drink tea, so there must be something liquid I can buy you. Not to get you drunk, I swear.

………………………

To: Tony Stark  
From: Matthew Murdock  
Subject: (no subject)

Tony,

it might be a good idea to stop talking now, before I think better of it.

See you tomorrow (no pun intended),

M.

 

 


End file.
